As we move from Fall into Winter we begin to approach “Holiday Season.” This is often a time spent with family and friends, in reflection of the past year and looking ahead to the new one. While there can certainly be moments of joy throughout this time, this can also be a really difficult time for folks with eating disorders. Many gatherings are centered around food as a way to bring people together, while it can be something that makes people feel more alone.
As we are just a few days away from Thanksgiving, it is a great time to think about how you can support your loved ones who may struggle with disordered eating or their relationship with food or their body.
Ways to help:
Ask! As humans, we are often fearful of asking others about things that they are struggling with, not knowing how they may react or if this could be activating for them. While this could be true, it may also be really helpful to ask rather than make assumptions about ways to support people. “How can I best support you?” or “Is there anything I can do to make this time feel more comfortable for you?” could both be great ways to start that conversation.
Respect their answer. If you ask someone how you can support them and they don’t have an answer or don’t want your help, that is okay. It can be helpful for them to know that support is there, but we also have to respect their decision if they do not want support.
Setting boundaries around conversations. Generally speaking, comments made about other people's bodies or what people are eating are unhelpful and can be activating for someone with an eating disorder. If a conversation comes up that feels unhelpful for you or a loved one, it could be helpful to talk with them ahead of time about how they would want to handle that. Maybe it means vocalizing the discomfort and/or changing the subject, or maybe it could mean leaving the room and taking space from others as needed.
Assign seats. This may look different in everyone’s household as to when and where you sit to eat a meal, but can be helpful to think about where everyone is seated. If you have a relative who you worry may make uncomfortable comments or conversation towards a loved one with an eating disorder, it could be helpful to make sure they are not seated near one another to eliminate potential discomfort and instead help your loved one feel supported by people next to them.
Reminders for folks with eating disorders…
Listen to your body. Each person around you may be eating differently, and that is okay. We all have different bodies and different nutritional needs. Just because it may be a holiday does not mean you have to make changes to what you are eating if that feels unhelpful for you.
You don’t have to punish yourself. We all need energy from food for our brains and bodies to function as effectively as possible. You do not have to punish yourself for the amount of food you choose to eat. You are allowed to eat.
Utilize your coping skills. Whether that’s leaving a conversation, using mindfulness to stay present and calm any anxious feelings, or texting a friend for support, remember that you have other ways to support yourself and other people to support you if and when you need it!
Wishing you and your loved ones a Happy Holiday season!